Breaking the Silence
Report: What young people want to address sexual violence
Showing your support
The importance of family members, friends and partners for a survivor cannot be overstated. People who have good support can heal more quickly. What’s most important is to be clear that the responsibility lies with the offender, and to stay away from myths about sexual abuse and assault. Taking care of your own emotionsTo be…
What if a teenager tells you?
How you respond can make a huge difference in a teenage survivor’s recovery. Learn what’s helpful, and what’s not. It is common for survivors of sexual abuse to not want to talk to their parents or caregivers about it, for fear of their reaction, not wanting to upset the family, or a desire to ‘forget…
The Madwoman’s Malady
Below is an extract from the author’s account of her Select Committee submission at Parliament for a proposed bill of rights for sexual assault survivors: ‘My name is Catriona. I was violently raped a long time ago by a person known to me who broke into my house in the middle of the night.’ I…
Poem – For all those times
For all those timesYou stripped away my layersMade me taste forbidden fruitForced my hands to do your workPenetrated beyond boundariesHands snaked around my neck ready to silence the sound For all those timesI never said no. For all those timesI endured unwanted shadows creeping insideFelt cold metal of a barrelled gun pushed against my headSuffered…
Maddison’s Poem
To whom it may concern To whom it may concern,I haven’t seen you in what feels like foreverI don’t think it would surprise you to know I grew up cleverI mean, that was your prophecyThat you told meMy pygmy hands wrapped around that warm mug of teaLooking out to seaWith no coastline in sightYou helped…
Healing from sexual abuse or assault
The most important thing to do first, is to get safe. It might take a while to actually feel safe, but being able to think that you are safe even if you don’t feel it is the first step. If this means that you need to add some extra locks to your door, or not…
Dear Em card for parents
Written for parents, this card from Dear Em details what young people need when they have been sexually assaulted.
Sophie-Ann’s story: “Sexual abuse happens in all ethnicities – you are not alone.”
Sophie-Ann was sexually abused by her older cousin over 30 years ago and kept the devastating secret to herself for decades, holding in all the stress, anxiety and pressure from the abuse. Until 2017, when she found a higher purpose, realising what happened to her wasn’t right and she reported the abuse to police. She decided…
Children’s sexual behaviour – what’s normal & what’s not?
Most behaviour is normal, but sometimes it isn’t. Learn what to do. Most children’s sexual behaviour is normal, natural and healthy. It’s simply an information-gathering process. Through watching, touching and playing games, children explore their bodies and gender roles, making sense of the world and what they see around them. Usually such exploration takes place…
Providing a safe environment
Providing a safe place for your children is key to prevention Sexual abuse (and abusers themselves) come in different shapes and forms. Understanding the nature of the problem is the first step to preventing it. Simply put, sexual abuse occurs when a person uses a child for their sexual purposes or pleasure; usually that person…
What families can do to keep children safe
We can minimise the risk of young children being sexually abused by things we do to create safe environments. Maintain clear rules about boundaries This will help to reduce the chance that your child could be confused if someone touches them inappropriately. Maintain age-appropriate privacy and respect the child’s control of their own body (for…
Keeping children safe from sexual abuse
What families can do Sexual abuse still happens a lot in New Zealand – we think around 1 in 6 children are victims – but there are things we can all do to protect children now.
Name suppression
Survivors of sexual assault over the age of 18 (and young people and children under the age of 18) going through the court process, are automatically provided with permanent name suppression by the court. This is to protect them from having their names published in connection with the offending. Permanent means that this is in…
Reclaiming your sexual self
Sexual abuse can affect your sense of sexuality and intimacy, but it doesn’t have to be like that forever. Sexual abuse or assault can have significant impacts on your sexuality, which can vary widely, depending on what was done to you and how you may have been groomed by the offender to not protest, or…
What if a child tells you about sexual abuse
What happens when a child tells someone about abuse will impact on their later recovery from the whole experience. Children need to feel listened to, believed, cared about and safe after they have told. As you listen, remember that the responsibility for abuse lies solely with the person who did the abuse, and it…
How it hurts
It hurts us because it is not what human beings are supposed to do to each other – so this can make us feel shocked, confused, lose trust in other people, and feel frightened that it could happen again. Its common for people with harmful sexual behaviour to say things to make survivors think it…
11 ways therapy can help you heal
Learn more about HELP’s Therapy Services.