What families can do to keep children safe

We can minimise the risk of young children being sexually abused by things we do to create safe environments.

Maintain age-appropriate privacy and respect the child’s control of their own body (for instance, tickling stops when they say so).

Take care who you let into your child’s life

Help your child develop good relationships with other adults and don’t leave your child alone with people who do not have a good and appropriate relationship with them.

Know who your child spends time with and be watchful when there are new people in the house like boarders, babysitters or a newly formed blended family.

Formal childcare settings provide some protection from abuse through police checks, staff training and policies and procedures to promote safe environments. No such protections exist with informal childcare arrangements, so it is up to you to put in place some basic precautions.

Babysitting

It is estimated that half of all sexual offending is done by teenagers and both boys and girls can perpetrate abuse.

But, while babysitting can be a risk, it doesn’t mean that you can never go out and trust your child with someone else.

Ask for references and spend some time watching the sitter interact with your child before you leave. Make it clear that you don’t want them to bring anyone else into the home while they are caring for your children. Afterwards, ask your child how they felt being cared for, and listen well to what they tell you.

If it is family members caring for your children, communicate your family touching and privacy rules. If they have a partner or friend with them that you’re not familiar with, make it clear that you expect them (the family member) to care for your child and not leave them alone with the other person.

Sleepovers

Sleepovers are safest when your child can bath, toilet and dress themselves and ideally should be restricted to people you know best prior to this time.

If your child is sleeping over somewhere, check out where they will be sleeping, who else will be there and what level of supervision they will have.

Check that your child really does want to sleepover and let them know (in front of the adults they are staying with so everyone is clear) that they can phone you at any time, even in the middle of the night, if they are worried about anything.

Share your family privacy and touching rules with anyone else who will be caring for your child.

Take Extra Care When Blending Families

Bringing two families together should (and can be) a happy time, but there is also the potential for harm to children or young people, who face a higher risk of being sexually abused in these family situations as more people have access to them.

A parent or sibling forms an attachment with a child in their care from birth that usually protects against sexual abuse but the step-parents or siblings haven’t had the opportunity for this to develop.

In addition, some form of pain or loss, from a break-up or death of a parent, can follow into a blended family. Or children can feel less special or have no sense of belonging, especially if they don’t live in that home full-time. Harmful sexual behaviour can appear when children or young people feel sad or lonely.
In the emotional intimacy that adults feel for each other when forming a new family unit, it can be confusing for children as there’s an expectation to feel close to someone that they have no real connection with yet.

Allow your child time and space to get to know your new partner and their children. Encourage fun together, with appropriate boundaries.

When you are dating someone new, spend some time with their family and friends and find out what went wrong in their previous relationship.

Consider how they get on with their own kids, or other children in general. Listen to how your child feels about your new partner.

Make sure all children feel welcome, with a sense of belonging and equal opportunities and keep having one on one time with your children, so they know their relationship with you is still close and that they can rely on you and voice any worries.

Lastly…

Be open and explicit about privacy and touching rules, because you can’t expect them to have just naturally evolved out of a family culture in the case of a blended family.

Things like, who can be in the room when someone is in the bath should be discussed so that everyone knows how to be with each other.

These should also be communicated to all others who might be in the home. Rules will likely need to be kept quite tight for a while, until trust and intimacy build.

See more about blended families